


rita's super effective and totally always planned stream dates

by arekiras



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Best Friends, Bonding, Brief Mention of Alcoholism, Canon Compliant, Gen, Season 1
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-29 20:20:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19837819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arekiras/pseuds/arekiras
Summary: '“Great! Because I think it’s time for one of our Regularly Scheduled Stream Nights With Rita!” she crows, linking her arm forcefully though his.“You know, in order for something to be regularly scheduled, you have to schedule it, right?” Juno grouches.“Just because you don’t ever know about it beforehand doesn’t mean it isn’t regularly scheduled, Mistah Steel,” Rita replies happily, dragging Juno out of the door and scarcely affording him the time to lock up properly before she leads him to her car.'Juno has been a real grouch lately. Luckily, Rita knows how to help.Written for Jupeter Week 2019 Day Two: Season 1





	rita's super effective and totally always planned stream dates

Juno slouches out of his office and into the reception area, yanking on his coat (one of the arms is inside out and he’s struggling, but he refuses to take it off and fix the arm). “I’m heading out early tonight, Rita,” he says. Rita looks dubiously at the clock on her monitor, it’s already after nine, but Juno is known to stay until after midnight. However, this evening there’s a slightly sticky stool in the absolute seediest, cheapest bar he can find outside of Old Town with his name on it. If he’s lucky, he can get a nice brawl in before last order. 

Anything to avoid going home to think about things. Things like Annie Wire, or Peter Nureyev, or any of the other shit currently plaguing his soupy nighttime thoughts. 

It must be written all over his face, because Rita gives him a wide grin and springs out of her chair, fetching her own coat. “Great! Because I think it’s time for one of our Regularly Scheduled Stream Nights With Rita!” she crows, linking her arm forcefully though his. 

“You know, in order for something to be regularly scheduled, you have to schedule it, right?” Juno grouches. 

“Just because you don’t ever know about it beforehand doesn’t mean it isn’t regularly scheduled, Mistah Steel,” Rita replies happily, dragging Juno out of the door and scarcely affording him the time to lock up properly before she leads him to her car. 

“Look, Rita, I really just want to be alone tonight. I don’t feel like watching streams,” he says uneasily. 

“You wanna be alone every night, Mistah Steel, I’ve learned to not let it stop me,” Rita says cheerfully, but then turns to him with a frown, “You’ve been kinda down lately. More down than usual, even. And you’re usually pretty far down, so that’s saying something. I’m not saying I’m  _ worried _ , because I know you don’t like that, but it would make me feel better to spend some time with you outside of the office. And anyway, I’ve been itching for a rewatch of  _ Moons Over Neptune Seven _ !” 

Juno wants to argue some more, but instead just finds himself nodding wordlessly, a lump suddenly lodged in his throat. Probably an allergic reaction to genuine affection, he suspects, climbing into the passenger seat of Rita’s car. 

She drives like a geriatric adrenaline junky, as usual, and nearly hits a sewer rabbit that must have gotten lost, but they make it to her apartment without any significant injuries. Rita talks the entire way, and Juno sinks into it, allowing the words to roll over him without really taking them in. He’d feel worse about not listening if he didn’t suspect this was her intention. 

She leads him into her apartment, and as always he first notices how many plants she’s managed to cram into the small space, the entire living room cast in various shades of green and purple and yellow and pink, dainty flowers and massive leaves both leaning over the sides of pots. Juno was surprised by them when he first started visiting her home, Rita didn’t strike him as someone with a green thumb, but it seems that he isn’t the only one that she coaxes into flourishing under her attention. 

Rita shoves Juno onto the couch, demanding he remove his coat and shoes, before microwaving popcorn and fetching several bags of her salmon flavored crunchies. She offers him hot cocoa, and he agrees on the principle that she always dumps a healthy helping of whiskey into his. And also marshmallows that melt and leave a nice fluffy coating over the top of the chocolate. 

He sits and nurses his drink while she sets up the stream on her large mounted TV and they watch it in relative silence for a little while, interrupted only by Rita’s crunching and exclamations of excitement at certain plot points. After a while, Juno finds himself curled up against Rita, both of them sharing a throw blanket and a second bowl of liberally seasoned popcorn. A great leafy plant grows over the back of the couch, one of the soft leaves tickling the back of Juno’s neck. Once Rita had explained that she couldn’t bear to trim them. “I’m the one that brought them into  _ my  _ house, boss. Why should I demand that they don’t grow to their full beautiful size just because I don’t have as much room for me?” She had said when he inquired about a vine that had outgrown its lattice work and started dominating a wall of her hallway. 

Eventually, the movie ends and they sit in silence until Rita gets up and brings a basket from her bathroom, which Juno knows contains at least a hundred different nail polishes. She toes off her house slippers and choose a shiny teal, shaking it before pulling the cap out and beginning on her toes. 

Taking the hint, Juno begins to paint his own fingernails a soft blush red. “Wanna talk about what’s been bothering you?” Rita asks, quieter than usual. 

Juno huffs. “Not really.” But then, he finds himself continuing, a little stilted, “You remember that Dark Matters guy? Rex Glass?” 

Rita looks up at him with wide, excited eyes, but then quickly turns back to her toes. “Uhhh huhhh,” she says, probably trying to sound nonchalant, but it doesn’t work. 

Juno groans. “He, uh. Well, that case went a little wild, you know?” 

“You mean how he turned out to be a thief in disguise, escaping deep into the night with the very mask you were sent to investigate?” Rita asks. Juno looks at her sharply. “It was all over the news, Mistah Steel.” 

“Ah. Well, then, yes. That,” Juno says uncomfortably. 

“You can’t beat yourself up over that, boss. His disguise was very good, you couldn’t have known who he really was,” Rita says, patting his arm consolingly. 

“No, I know. That’s not… that isn’t really it. He, well. We. Might have made out a little, before that,” Juno admits stiffly. 

Rita squeals, nearly dropping her nail polish, but then regains some amount of composure. She has to stop painting while she giggles, but Juno manages to continue. “I feel really weird about it, Rita.” 

“Because he was a thief who stole a mask from you? Possibly kissing you because all he wanted was to distract you and escape?” Rita asks, sounding a bit too excited for Juno’s taste. 

“Actually, no,” Juno says drily. “I don’t think that’s all he wanted. In fact, I’m fairly certain it wasn’t. And that’s why I feel weird. A thief kisses me and makes off with a mask, but he might have wanted to kiss me for more personal reasons than that! That’s something to feel really weird about, right?” 

“Do you want him to have wanted to kiss you for  _ personal reasons _ ?” Rita waggles her eyebrows, and Juno snorts. 

“...Kind of. Yeah. I mean, at the time,  _ definitely.  _ And that feeling didn’t go away when I knew the truth. Even once he ran, really,” Juno sighs. “I have the absolute worst taste in men. And women. And others.” 

Rita nods sagely. “You really do, Mistah Steel. But, to be fair, he was very handsome.” 

Juno sighs, blushes, and then scowls. “Don’t remind me,” he says darkly. 

But Rita is on a roll now, having finished the first coat of her nail polish. “Were his lips soft? Did he sweep you off your feet?  _ Oh _ , before he left, did he leave you priceless jewels for you to remember him by, which you can never wear for fear of being caught with stolen goods, but also cannot bear to dispose of?  _ Do you think he’ll come back? _ Mistah Steel,  _ I promise _ , if you want to start a secret love affair with a thief I won’t tell  _ nobody _ , not even Franny!” 

Juno looks at her dully, but only says, “Thanks, Rita. I’ll keep that in mind.” 


End file.
